update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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