i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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