i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
