Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
