he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
