just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
did you just send me my own nude
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize