Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
