btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
