oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
