Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
