he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
