I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
