And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize