Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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