Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Buhtt sex?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
