You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
