Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
