just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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