all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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