I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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