In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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