the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
