I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
