I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
