Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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