I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cockslap morals
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
