She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
