____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
