Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
