Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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