come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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