i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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