just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize