she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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