Jerry, you need to find god
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
