I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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