question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
