he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
