I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
