Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
