I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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