worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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