I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
