i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
