just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
