as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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