she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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