the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
