May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
