I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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