is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
