he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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