It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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