I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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