the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize