I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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