3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
