Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
