and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my liver is dry heaving
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
