just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
