You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
