i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
