Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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