We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
