nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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