Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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