nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
