New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
